Thomas Clay

The events of Tuesday happened so quickly that I want to get them all out before time races away from me again. At 11:48 on Tuesday morning Thomas Clay Lubbers joined us on the outside:) These pictures all uploaded randomly so sorry for the lack of order:

When we got home I fed him and then laid him in the boppy. It was so cute to me how he just fit in there! So tiny.

Family of 5:

Loves:

Noah was really happy about his brother...this is his "cheese" face:

Look how small! I laughed out loud at the sight of him in this car seat:

Ah, now for a couple of the actual birth (story in a moment):

The reason you wont see any directly of my face is because I was weeping uncontrollably. Like, nasty crying.

Let me start my saying this labor was not a sweet one. I wont look back on it with intensely fond memories like I do with my others. The birth part was beautiful and holding him for the first time with his beautiful baby smell was something I can't describe. But labor was a whole new beast. Let me start at the end, when I was begging for an epidural. That is something that I'd never even been tempted to do before! At that moment my doula (and amazing friend, Dee) got close to my face and said, "Megan, you've done this before. What is different about this labor?" My response at the time was I don't know! But I have had some time to look back and reflect.

At 6:30 that morning I woke up to some strange contractions, much different than the ones I'd experienced in my other labors. They were very intense starting in my back and making their way around to the center of my abdomen. They were coupling and tripling. So I'd have a strong one then 1-2 lighter ones. Then occasionally it would skip the lighter ones. It was all very random and I couldn't make sense of it. Around 9 Ian suggested we go to the hospital since the kids had been picked up and friends who were attending the birth had been notified. I didn't want to go. I couldn't make sense of what was happening and I couldn't figure out where I was in the process of labor or if I was even in labor. After a shower I decided he was right. We left for the hospital around 10.

I was still feeling very strange and almost transition-like, but I didn't think I could be there yet. I'd only been in labor 3 hours as far as I could tell. We met my two friends and got into the triage room. They monitored me a little and checked me. I was 6 centimeters. This gave me some frame of reference so I was happy for that, but nothing else was lining up with that number. Why did I feel like I was going to puke, poop, pee and cry all at the same moment already? We moved over to the other room and things really picked up in intensity. Dee had the bath ready for me and I climbed in but found no relief. So I stood up and turned the shower on...still no relief. I was still having all four of the aforementioned sensations and now I felt lots of pressure so I sat on the toilet.

This relieved the pee sensation a little, but I just didn't feel right. Everything was happening at once and contractions were overwhelming me. I went to lay down on the bed to try to ground myself. At that moment I knew I needed a drastic measure. I calmly told Ian that he needed to get the nurse and I wanted an epidural. I'm sure he was very surprised. He told me I was doing so well and seemed very calm and he didn't understand. I told him I knew myself and I couldn't handle this. The truth is I was losing it on the inside. I really felt like I was going to explode and I was sure I was only 6-7 centimeters. It had only been 20 minutes since they checked me.

The nurse came in and responded perfectly. She asked if she could check me again. "What if you're 10 centimeters??" I was 8. So I said please just give me the epidural I know this is too much for me. OK. She started an IV and did very well thankfully! The bag of fluid got to about half way through which seemed like an eternity but I'm sure it was God giving me the break I asked him for. The rest time between contractions felt very long to me even though I could tell the contractions coming now were the transition ones. And they were excruciating. Those ones always are, but usually I'm a little more prepared for them. I just laid there and said "please God" over and over again and hoped I wouldn't pass out. This is when the nurse came in with the anesthesiologist whom she called "Ed". All I could think at the time was I love Ed! More Ed please! But looking back I'm very confused why he wasn't Dr. So-and-so. I call my mechanic Ed, not someone who is going to put a long needle in my back!

Well Ed told me annoyingly what everyone else was saying, "You seem to be doing well. I'm sure you're about to start pushing, but if you can sit up and hold still I can try to put an epidural in." He suggested I be checked one more time. I was fully dilated. In a span of 7 minutes. But I was still pretty set on not feeling anything else. Then I started uncontrollably pushing. The nurse asked me to stop, but that was not possible at all. I pushed one time and Ian said, "You're already pushing, see you can do this!" I wasn't convinced, but I did know there was no way I could sit up or sit still so bye-bye Ed. I felt for a head and it was still a couple inches in. I told Ian that baby was not even close to being born and I couldn't do this! Well then came that uncontrollable urge again and I pushed with my body. Then I'm sure my eyes bugged right out of my head because I felt Thomas' head crowning! I reached down to touch it and couldn't believe it. The nurse gloved up quickly and yelled for a doctor. Mine was not there yet...because I had only been at the hospital for an hour! The next push came and Thomas was out.

I was sobbing and so incredibly relieved. Here comes the only part of the actual birth that was not sweet. After he came out I looked down to search for him because he wasn't immediately on my chest like my other two were. The on call OB was already trying to clamp the cord!! Say what? So I asked him to stop and he said, "I'm not sure why but OK." I didn't say this but I was really sad for him. If you're not sure why then you really should not be an OB. Or a nurse, or doula even. Anyway, then I said please give me my baby and reached for him. Then the sobbing really increased because I saw he was a HE! Thomas was with us! I was done! I held him and wept and listened as Ian and Dee talked to me.

Thinking back over things I was reminded of a chapter from one of my doula books that talked about special labors and how to cope with them. One type of special labor was the rapid labor. Things started to make sense in my mind at this point. I remembered how the author said many women with rapid labor feel like they can't stay on top of it. Sensations overwhelm them and some start to hyperventilate. Also, the pain comes much more intensely and quickly so many aren't prepared. This described me to a T. And we had done all the things the book said to do in that situation, but nothing worked.

I told Ian if we do end up having another kid I will probably plan an epidural or at least get an IV put in when we arrive. He asked why and I told him I have no regrets about asking for an epidural. When people have asked me in the past if I think there is a good reason to get an epidural I haven't really known what to say. Now I do. Know yourself! What can you handle? A rapid labor is crazy insane. Luckily most people don't have to deal with them! I felt like I was losing my mind and like I was about to explode (actually not mentally). My other two labors were not super long (about 7 and about 10 hours respectively), but they happened in a rhythm and I had time to adjust. With Thomas' labor I had no time. I only had sensation on top of sensation and it was hard. But it's done and he's here and we are a family of 5!