The thing that prepared us most

Many people have questions for us about fostering. For most of our close friend and family circles we are the first to foster so it is an interesting concept for many people. I love the questions! I pray people will keep them coming 1. because it gives an outlet for all the thoughts and emotions boiling up in me to spill out and 2. because i hope it generates interest in orphans and children in need.

In any event, one thing I keep telling people about is what prepared me most for fostering. It wasn't classes, asking the social workers questions or completing the home study. Although to varying degrees those things were helpful. The most helpful thing by far is reading stories of people who have been there. I NEED to know what it is really going to be like in the trenches. And I can't tell you how many times I've already said to a worker, "but in class they said ______ was the procedure for _____ situation," and the worker will say, "oh well we can file an extension," or, "I'll just suggest something else." You can do that??? I guess so.

Reading the stories of others, mostly in blog form, was so helpful because when things like that happen I find myself not completely surprised by it. Or when our worker calls with new details the day of a court date I can just sigh and shrug and think, 'well this is the system I signed up for.' Because I've already read how OFTEN things don't go the way they should or the way the system is supposed to function.

Today I read this post and I so appreciate it because I feel like emotionally I'm holding J at arms length. I find myself mentally pointing out all his flaws because I don't want to like him too much. I'm not saying this is a great way to do things...I'm just saying it's what I've been doing. But that makes it really difficult to choose to love him and that is something I HAVE to do. It's a struggle.

If you are interested, here are a couple of my favorite blogs I've come across:
Instant Mama
Filled to the brim

Getting through it

So the past two weeks have been hard. Mostly because we are transitioning and change is just hard. Overall J is doing great. He sleeps and eats well, he's already learned a couple signs and he is definitely responding to the boundaries we put in place, but that response is slow.

There are a few things that are really helping me during this time. One is the AMAZING support of our church and family. So many people want to meet baby J and hold him and play with him. It is such a help when I've spent the whole day telling him to STOP shrieking at the top of his lungs and I want to pull my ears out. This would be a great thing to pray for; the shrieking really gets under my skin. Pray I can remember that he is valuable because God made him, not for anything he has to offer us.

 Another support is holding to the truths I feel God has strongly put on my heart lately:

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts. ~ Isaiah 55:9

No matter what I think is best for J, God KNOWS what is best and his plan wont fail. I wrote down a few other verses one morning last week when I had some time to myself and it is so nice to look back at them on hard days.

And finally, right before we got J we downloaded this album from iTunes and it has been so encouraging. God's timing is perfect. One of my favorite songs says this:

How can it be, the One who died,
Has borne our sin through sacrifice
To conquer every sting of death?
Sing, sing hallelujah. 

The power that raised Him from the grave
Now works in us to powerfully save.
He frees our hearts to live His grace;
Go tell of His goodness.

He’s alive, He’s alive!
Heaven’s gates are opened wide.
He’s alive, He’s alive!
Now in heaven glorified. 

What great reminders right? My kids are probably tired of these songs because we listen to them often. It's very grounding to have this on throughout the day. I wish I could post pictures of him because his smile would brighten your day! He has started to really warm up to us so we get to see his smiles often.

 

 

Day 2

Well we survived the first two days of having baby j in our home! I feel accomplished just having survived. This is no time for thriving. It has been such an emotional roller coaster for me and so busy! He came yesterday around 10 and we spoke with his social worker for a while, then she left. Multiple people stopped by, some people brought food and others just wanted to meet him! Then today started with a doctor's appointment, came home to meet with his worker again, then our worker came to visit since we hadn't met him yet and he has to come within 7 days of a placement. Then I headed out to the store to buy J some clothes with the voucher they gave me. Thankfully it was to target so I got him some seriously cute clothes:) Since he is in the same size as Thomas, we need to increase our 2T stash!

Then I came home and it was already 4 o'clock. I try to remind myself that every parent has days (and sometimes weeks on end) where, at the end of the day, you just want to drop into bed and sleep for 10 hours and pray the next day is better. I really think it's just the change and busyness that has been the hardest for me. He really has been doing pretty well so far. Probably the only positive thing about him being left in his crib for hours on end before social services stepped in is that he sleeps pretty well so far! 

It took him longest to fall asleep tonight for bed. Before then it had only taken him 2-3 minutes to fall asleep but tonight he was just wailing. I went in a few times and held him until he stopped crying. Well he stopped crying immediately when I picked him up but I held him until he calmed down. Finally he got really close to sleep and when I laid him down that time he went to sleep easily. I cried a few tears as I held him. What has he been through? Will he go home and have to experience those things again? Will he become attached to us only to be ripped away again? He is innocent in all this and while I want his mom to get better, I never want him to have to experience being torn from those he knows as family again. 

I really appreciate everyone praying for us. Specific requests would be for us to now how to deal with his temper and screaming (which makes me want to rip my own ears off). And for peace and a long term vision in our hearts for baby j.

Our first call

We got a call today from children's services. There is a 13 month old boy (baby J) who needs a place to stay. He's been neglected and is for sure behind for his age, but beyond that no health issues. There's a little info about his mom, nothing about dad. Do we want him? Absolutely we do:)

Since I got that call I've been equal parts nervous and excited. I cried a little bit thinking about what this means and what a big change this will be...in less than 24 hours! Ian was so sure and confident when we talked to the worker, it made me feel confident! But later, when the kids are in bed and it's quiet and I have time to think the nervousness sets back in. We got the monitor in the mail for the baby's room today so I was trying to set it up (and getting really frustrated) and I was thinking about how I want to clean the room and put new sheets on the crib for baby J and get out some outfits and have everything just PERFECT! Well if you've been a mom for more than, oh I don't know 3 seconds, you know that things just don't always go perfectly.

So I took a break from the monitor to head outside and look at my plants. For some reason, even though my garden is not turning out great (more on that later) it is soothing. And I saw this beautiful sky and heard the crickets chirping and thought I should go to my spot with God and sit for a bit. So I came here to the front porch and looked out over the sky and saw what you see in the picture above and I'm reminded that God has baby J. What he needs most is someone to hug and cuddle him and tell him about the One who made him and loves him. I can do that! Especially the cuddles part. I hope he's a cuddler. I guess if not I always have Thomas!

Anyway, we will find out tomorrow morning if he is for sure coming and when. How long will he be with us? What's the plan? Will there be long term consequences of his neglect? I don't know! If the court decides he needs to come into care for sure he will be here tomorrow. God knows the plan and we will trust him. For now...I'm heading back to tackle that monitor!

Gymnastics class

Baby girl took a gymnastics class:) When she was two I used to get so nervous because she would hide behind me if anyone looked at her. Especially since I knew we would homeschool I got self conscious about that because I didn't want people to think she was strange. 

It was a real growing experience for myself not to put that pressure on her. I remind myself that no matter what others think we are doing what God wants our family to be doing and I love Mary for who she is. 

As it turns out that concern isn't even valid anymore because she is very brave and pretty friendly. I almost cried today (because having kids has turned me into a sap) when I brought her to gymnastics camp in a place she's never been before and she headed right out on to the floor when her group was called. She turned for a second and said, "where will you be?" It takes a lot of courage to walk into a new place where you don't know anyone and hop right in. But she did great and I'm so proud of her:)

Quotable: Mary edition

A quick stop at the grocery store-
Mary: Mommy, why are there SO many more things in the cart than we have on our list?
Me: ...busted

After Mary wrote a card to our sponsored child who lives in Africa -
Mary: Mommy how will it get to him?
Me: the mail man will take it
Mary: How? Do they use an airplane? (voice gets really low) or does the mail truck turn into an airplane? Can they do that??
Too much watching Little Einstein's!

Vacation

We got back from vacation about a week ago. We visited family in cocoa beach and Atlanta. Our relatives live in some pretty nice locations:)

Ian thought if we left at 4 AM the kids would go back to sleep. It worked 2/3s of the time:)

First day there these two were up at 6:30 and wanted to go see the manatees:) they adjusted at least a little and started waking up at 7 for most of vacation. So much excitement! 

They turned into little fishies by the end of our trip. We had so much and just relaxing and playing together as a family.

We kept my cousins kids one day and went to the park. My kids had a blast because the slides were SO HIGH at this park!

While we were there we also got the update that we are licensed to foster and could hear from them anytime! I will update here and on Facebook when we get a placement please pray for the baby that will be placed with us and pray God will prepare our hearts.