Equal

A couple things have come up lately that I feel like I have to get out. A couple months ago my aunt asked me if I ever yell at my kids. My response: I try not to. There may be a time for getting angry, Jesus did in a righteous manner. But I haven't come to it in my parenting and I don't think it should be a regular occurrence. There are also people who can't fathom why anyone would spank and think it is child abuse (I use to be "one of those" people). How can those two things go together?

I picked up a book on Ian's shelf that a friend had recommended to us called God, Marriage, and Family. I was getting a little bored with the first part so decided to check out what he said about spanking since it seems to be a hot topic lately. At least in my brain. I was interested to see what he said since the whole intro of the book is about how he intends to see what scripture says about everything and fully submit to it. Well, I was so irked by his spanking section that it was hard to sleep. First, he lists all the "rod" verses. Then, and I mean literally right after listing them, he talks about how spanking is illegal in some countries and how some people think it should be illegal here. He quotes different reasons people are against it. And finally (and most ridiculous and appalling) he says that because Jesus was so gentle and loving toward kids some people think that his actions abolish spanking. Oh wait, that wasn't the last thing. He then goes on to rank different training tools according to severity and says the punishment must fit the crime.

BLAH! There's just so much wrong with that. Part of me thinks 'what do you know Megan. Did you go to seminary???' But that is not a worthy thought. I may not have gone to seminary but I do have a brain. If his book is based on scripture and under it's authority why doesn't he thoroughly explain those rod scriptures??? And why doesn't he back up statements like "the punishment should fit the crime" from scripture?

I guess I just see things completely differently than this author who obviously has prejudice. We all do in some area. First, I don't really see spanking as a harsh punishment. I see it as a loving (although hard to administer) act, just like the scriptures do (see proverbs 13:24). Second, Jesus was both kind and gentle, and filled with authority, passion, and truth. I both love and train my kids. They aren't mutually exclusive. I am gentle with them even in spanking. We talk about what they did in a calm and loving way. Administer the spanking so that it hurts (why do it if it's not going to hurt???) and then talk about it again, apologize if necessary, and we move on.

And finally (I promise...then I'll shut up) when we find ourselves ranking our children's sins and going through this list of punishments on the "harshness" scale our kids are going to see that. I would never want Mary to think I care more about her physical safety than her spiritual safety. They are both very important to me and I will treat them that way. It terrifies me that she would run into the street and get hit by a car. She does get spanked if she goes into the street without us. She also gets spanked when she doesn't listen and respond to our voice when we ask her to do something. They are equally bad in my mind and I think we see in scripture that sin is sin. (Although I'm not saying all sin effects us equally) Besides, she wouldn't have run into the street in the first place if she had been taught to listen.

Oh, and this brings me to why I wrote the post: how can I be both gentle and loving toward my kids and also spank? Here it is...my kids are equal to me in value and dignity, but they have no authority in this relationship. They are made in the image of God just like me. They have the right to be treated with respect and honor because of that. But God gave me authority in this relationship and nothing can take that away or make it untrue (even if I decided not to do anything with that authority). On judgement day I will stand up and give an account for how I raised my kids and I want to say that I did everything I could to train them in the way they should go (proverbs 23:14, eph. 6:4). I have no control of my kids reactions, but I do have authority to be their parent. The could grow up and be psycho killers, but that will not be the pattern of their lives while they are children living under the authority of their parents (and hopefully not the choice of their lives as the grow either). As I train the behavior now, and more increasingly the heart of Mary, I trust in proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it."