The Doula Book

Yes, that's the name of one of the books I bought Friday. When people have asked me why we hired a Doula for both births I never really know what to say. I couldn't really put words to why I wanted them. Enter: The Doula Book. I've only read the first 2 chapters, but it really helped put words to my thoughts.

Up until about 100 (ish) years ago women were always surrounded by other women while giving birth. Usually a midwife and a couple other women who were close to the mother. Women were always able to share that experience with other women who could support them and really go through the experience with them because they had either done it themselves, or looked forward to doing that in the future. Then births were moved to hospitals and it was usually just the woman with a doctor and nurse who were in and out of the room. Can you imagine? That would be so scary. Anyway, then they started pushing for the fathers to be in the room. Which is immensely better than being alone, but still lacked something. Fathers are great for support and have a close relationship with the mother which is so valuable. But they often don't know what to do, feel scared when their wives are in so much pain, and/or don't have the knowledge and skills to comfort their wives effectively. This is where the doula comes in. She is the supportive woman being brought back into the picture. She fills the role that women filled for thousands of years. She is a knowledgeable and encouraging presence.

That is why I loved having a doula there! Someone who was knowledgeable about the whole process and had been through it before was there with me the entire time. Doctors in nurses mostly have your health in mind, but they also are thinking about themselves, hospital and medical policy, etc. But a doula's sole focus is you and your baby and encouraging you through this most difficult process. I definitely needed Ian too, but this woman knew what it was like to be in my position. She encouraged me and talked me through different things. She could tell me that what i was experiencing was normal and that I was doing a good job and I believed her because she knew what she was talking about. I remember that Ian kept saying, "It's going to be OK, you're doing great" And I glared at him. I was thinking, 'what do you know? Have you done this before?!?' It wasn't my finest moment as a wife, but I'm just telling it like it was. He was right, of course, but something about our Doula saying it gave me more comfort in that situation. It's almost a sacred thing having her there supporting me. That's why I wanted a Doula there and that's why I think they are so important. The book goes on to talk about how much better outcomes can be when doula's are present so I'm interested in reading about that!

I post these things knowing that not many of you care...but if you know pregnant women in need of support whether before or during their labor feel free to send them my way! I could talk about this stuff forever!

Fabulous weekend

My weekend started on Friday! Ian stayed with the kids and I got the entire day off. First time since Noah was born and it was AWESOME! I went to Panera and spent some quiet time reading, then a friend met me for breakfast. I went on to get a massage at Mitchel's which was heavenly. Then I had bible study with my high school girls, then back home to cook up some pasta and take it over to our good friend's house to have dinner with them. Perfect day. And Saturday only got better! For Ian's birthday I got him tickets to Fiddler on the Roof and my mom got him a gift card to Boi na Braza. We experienced both of those things on Saturday:) Fiddler was great, although I was a little disappointed at the end. I thought there should have been more. But Boi na Braza did not disappoint at all! It was soooo delicious. I need to go google parmesan pork loin and figure out how to make that as great as they did. And their cheese bread, which seemed more like a cheese popover to me, was the best thing I've ever tasted. Yes, better than Arby's curly fries and a flubs cyclone, and if you know me well that's saying a lot. I think I ate 6 of them. And I wanted more, but that's a classy place and I already felt like I was in a fishbowl. I didn't want them judging me for stuffing my face (well...more so than I already had). Although it is a place with all you can eat meat that is brought around to your table...so I'm not sure how judgmental they can be.

Anyway, it was a great weekend, but I'm glad to have my babies back in their beds tonight. I missed them with all my time off! I also bought two more books on Friday because I was right by half price and I found two books on my required reading list for Doula certification. Let's just forget about the 15 books waiting on my shelf for me already. It was half price! And I'll need them eventually. That's how I justify it to myself;)

The problem with schools

It seems like a while now that education has been in the spotlight in our nation. Everyone has their opinion on what will fix the low performance from our students. We've added testing and standards to every possible area and blamed teachers for bad outcomes. In all my classroom management classes in college we were told that if our students weren't learning and weren't under control then it is always the fault of the teacher. This sent up red flags in my brain but at the time I didn't really know why. Don't get me wrong, there are some bad teachers out there. But I know a lot of teachers and probably 90% of them are good at what they do. The ones you read about in the newspaper are outliers. However, as humans we like to blame shift. We've been doing it since Adam. Did you know that a mother is suing McDonalds for putting toys in their kids meals? Because it makes her kid whine and complain and want kids meals. For the love, stop putting YOUR kid in the car, DRIVING to McDonalds, and BUYING the kids meal! Tangent.

As a parent I now understand why those red flags went up. Whose job is it to train children??? Let's search the truth:
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." eph 6:4
"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." prov. 22:6

And what is "the way he should go"?
"Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Col 3:20

What if, instead of bashing teachers and claiming they need more education and accountability, we held PARENTS responsible for the training of their children. I mean, imagine it: a teacher says "quiet now" in a calm and steady voice and the room fell silent. No amount of classroom management will provoke that. Only a child who has been trained at home to obey authority will do the same in a classroom. But this is not the case. Instead, a large portion of a teacher's day is spent organizing kids, asking them to be seated and quiet, telling them to get to work, etc.

Parents are abdicating their responsibility and giving it to daycares and schools. In all my college classes and even student teaching I wanted to shout "it's not my job to teach them to sit and listen, let alone to respect me!" It is the parent's job. I can teach algebra to even the dumbest kid, but it is not my job to teach him the discipline of doing his homework, studying, and paying attention in class. But parents are working 8-9 hour days and kids need at least 10 hours of sleep at night...not much time left to train when you consider all the other necessities of life.

In my experience with high school students, young children, their parents, and lots of teachers, I think it's safe to say that the problem with schools is not just poor education or bad teachers, it's the lack of parents who are willing to do their jobs (as parents) and love their children enough to train them.

Sorry for the rant. This comes after a series of really frustrating occurrences including one of Ian's students calling him gay, a PARENT calling one of Ian's friends (also a teacher) Satan, and the possibility of Ohio cutting spending on education and giving school boards the authority to cut teacher pay by up to 20% as well. The thing that bugged me the most was the parent calling names. Seriously? You don't have to wonder for too long how these kids turned out the way they did. I mean there are a lot of people who don't treat teachers as professionals, but what about treating them like humans???? Grrrr...sorry again blog readers, but I have a small voice and had to let this out somewhere!

homemade gifts

I've made a lot of homemade gifts in the past couple months so I thought I would share some here because I know there are some frugal women who read this and want ideas. I already posted this frame, but recently a friend asked me to make one for her daughter so I thought I'd post it as an idea. These frames cost like $5 at Hobby Lobby and if you use a half price coupon...so cheap.

I made this gift for some special people in our lives:) Actually
they haven't all received it yet so Hank if you're reading this don't show Connie!

It's pretty easy, you just have to be able to cut a 4x4 (which is actually 3.5x3.5) into cubes because they can't do it at home depot. The lady tried but couldn't get a straight cut. Then spray paint black, print out some letters, pictures, poems, etc. and attach with Mod Podge. I also spray a clear coat of workable fixatif over the top.
I also made these cards. And if you're into crochet or knitting you can make lots with that, but one thing I really like is getting someone a book and crocheting a bookmark to go with it. You can even put their name on it with a slip stitch. You just have to use that really thin and sturdy yarn and a tiny hook. There's one more thing I'm making for friends that are getting married this year but none are finished yet so I'll have to share later! It involves pictures of letters and their last names:)

Learning update

So the summer of learning got off to an early start. One of the things he wanted to do was start writing poems and for valentines day this year he wrote me one:) I'm sure I'm not aloud to share it, but just wanted to say the learning is underway! Happy Valentines day!

Baby Doll

Mary's favorite toys have always been buses, rocks, and cars. But recently she has started to really like her baby doll! I think this is because she loves Noah and wants to practice being a mommy:) Sometimes she will feed baby doll (only once has she tried to nurse her baby doll...awkward), she likes to put baby doll to "night night", and the like. I think it's so cute because she even turns the noise maker on just like we do for her and Noah when we put them to bed. Since she puts baby doll night night in her crib I've wondered how she gets her out of there. The doll's head is too big to fit through the slats and there's no way Mary can reach over. Well the other night me and my video camera caught how she gets baby doll out:

Martha to the Max

Once I found a book with this title and I bought it without even reading the back. Have you ever seen the TV show friends? I swear they fashioned Monica after me. Both of these things illustrate the fact that I am a very detail oriented person. So much so that a lot of the time it hinders me from seeing the big picture. It's a good thing I married a big picture person. Sometimes my detailed personality is very useful and good, but sometimes recently by the end of the day I've been feeling like a big failure. Why did I feel this way? When I looked back on my day I was getting a good amount of "stuff" done. Then I heard God repeat to me what I've heard so many times: But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” ~Luke 10:41 Aha! He might as well have been saying "My dear Megan..."

Yesterday was a lot better because I asked God if I could be Mary that day instead of Martha. I wanted to sit at God's feet that day instead of running around on my own feet checking off items from the 10 page list in my head then getting frustrated at the little people (and sometimes grown man) in my way. I did a couple practical things too: when I noticed myself walking really fast as I often do, I slowed down. Why such haste to put away some socks? I took time with each kid to just sit with them. Mary always says, "mommy sit down" when she wants me to sit and play with her. I noticed that I'm always saying, "OK Mary after mommy ..." So instead of saying that I just dropped what I was doing and sat with her. The kitchen counter really doesn't need to be cleaned 3 times a day.

I really like how gentle God was with Martha. He didn't say, "YOU are the one who's got it backward. You're mess up girl. Why do you need everything to be perfect? Do you think YOU'RE perfect?? Because you're not." These are the things I hear in my head a lot, but that is not the voice of God. Jesus knew that Martha loved him, she was just expressing it in an unhealthy way. There's nothing wrong with making a good meal for people, but where are my motives? And where is the time sitting at Jesus' feet?

Basically I'm seeking God for change. Some things are good: having a welcoming and organized home, and children who obey, have some self control, and add to that welcoming environment. But some things are infinitely better: love, prayer, grace, freedom, etc. I want to seek those better things first and all throughout the day and if the good things don't get completely finished and wrapped up in a little package, there's always tomorrow.

Observe

I'm really enjoying To Train Up A Child. It's written by Amish people and I just think their culture is so unique and admirable. I have no desire to actually become Amish, but I respect them for what they do. I noticed that often in his book he gives examples of interactions between parents and their kids and tells what they should have done or how they should have trained their children differently. I've told a couple people recently who have had questions for me that they should observe others in this way too. Maybe not exactly that way because I think he can be kind of judgmental in his book. I like to observe others: what the kid is doing, how the parents react, and how the kid receives that reaction. But at the same time, I am very aware of the fact that tomorrow it could be MY KID doing that exact same thing. There's no judgment in that respect, I just want to learn from it.

So basically I think it's really good to observe other kids. See what's normal to expect, behavior wise, from kids who are older than yours so that when your kid does that thing it's not unexpected and you've already thought about how you're going to handle it. That's one thing I remember from Making Children Mind (Leman). At least, I think it was that book. Where he said that kids feel more secure when their parents know how to handle them. It makes them think, 'It's no big deal for mom and dad to deal with me. I'm not a problem for them.' Now obviously there are times when Mary sees that I don't know what to do because you can't be ready for everything! But I do think it's good to be as prepared as you can be!

Summer of Learning

Ian and I have had some rather funny conversations lately about his goals for the summer. Let me start by saying we always have themes for our summers. 2006 was the summer of love because that's the summer we got married and went to Alaska for our honeymoon
2007 was the summer of travel because we went like a million places that summer, including Montana with some awesome friends
2008 was the summer of joy because that's when we had Mary
2009 was the summer of the preemptive strike (Ian picks the names). It was called this because our goal that summer was to spend a lot of time with our high school friends teaching them about Jesus and training them for their next year. That year Ian had learned a lot about leadership and training so he wanted to apply it
And for the life of me I can't remember what the theme was last summer, but here is one of my favorite pictures from last summer:

2010 might have been the summer of happiness. Along the same lines of the summer of joy except this time little Nono came along!
Anyways, Ian has decided that this summer is the summer of learning:) Recently Ian has been noticing some talents in other guys that he would like to learn. For example, our friend Mark bakes bread and makes home made beer and root beer so Ian wants to set up a time with him to learn how he makes bread. Our friend Eber is an excellent cook and Ian can't even make spaghetti without burning the sauce, so Ian wants to learn some go to dishes. Our friend Jacob is extra handy and can fix almost anything so Ian wants to learn how to do electrical work from him. He told me he wants to finish the big basement room all by himself, but with Jacob's supervision on the electrical stuff:) And our friend Jim Bob Duggar (OK, he's not our friend in real life, but how AWESOME would that be?) has no debt and supports his family off of real estate and stock market investments. So Ian wants to learn how to invest some of the money we have saved.

I'm a fan of all these goals...I'll let you know how they go!

Can't get enough

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with love for my kids. The other day I was having one of those my-baby-is-getting-too-big-too-fast moments so I wanted to take more pictures of him.



Yeah, I make my kids do push ups, go ahead and call me a tiger mom.

It's not all relative

I'm not someone who believes that truth is relative. Morally speaking, some things are right and some things are wrong. But other things are very much relative and up to choice. I was reading on the DONA website and they had this to say about the Doula's they certify:
"Most importantly, doulas do not make decisions for their clients; they do not project their own values and goals onto the laboring woman.

The doula’s goal is to help the woman have a safe and satisfying childbirth as the woman defines it. It is not the role of the doula to discourage the mother from her choices. The doula helps her become informed about various options, including the risks, benefits and accompanying precautions or interventions for safety. Doulas can help maximize the benefits of pain medications while minimizing their undesirable side effects. The comfort and reassurance offered by the doula are beneficial regardless of the use of pain medications."

I really like that. Mostly because it's all about encouragement and who doesn't want to be encouraged?? I made the one part in italics because that's really what it's about. Labor and birth are not moral issues (i guess you could find some, but traditionally speaking they aren't). I think it is frustrating when people are painted a certain way for choosing different things for their labor. Whether that's the "all natural" people looking down on hospital births, or a woman who wants to be hooked up to every machine and practically knocked out until the baby is born thinking a woman is crazy for having a home birth. Both situations are not good. I just want to be helpful. So I really liked this organization for their stance on that. Just wanted to share that with the one or two people who read this and actually care about that topic:)