Boys will be boys

This is a phrase I have disliked until very recently. A while ago I told Ian about something I saw a little boy doing and how annoying it was. I can't remember exactly what it was, but something I thought for sure should have been corrected (probably screaming for a toy or yelling at his mom because I was in a toy store). After I told him Ian said, "Ha! Boys will be boys." I didn't say anything then, but I was concerned. I thought Ian meant that because this kid was a boy it was Ok for him to do what he was doing. I think that we have this perception that little boys are crazy, hyper, out of control beings who need to be set loose in order to thrive. While I do believe that especially toddlers have a lot of energy and need to let it out, I don't think that's a license to do whatever they want!

I'd heard Ian say this phrase over and over again. Well the other day I told Ian that Noah kept grabbing at the lamp in his room and I kept telling him no and pulling his hand away, but I thought it was going to take a while to teach him not to touch it. Again Ian said, "Boys will be boys!" But later that day I heard Ian in Noah's room saying, "Noah, do not touch!" He came out and told me that he gave Noah a couple hand thumps and told him not to touch the lamp. Well the next day as I was changing him, Noah looked up at the lamp and reached out but stopped his hand! He looked at me then back at the light and grabbed it. I told him no and pulled his hand away and he didn't try again. Well, he didn't try again that day, but he hasn't done it much since.

I tell this story to highlight a couple things I've been thinking about lately. One is that certain things may explain behavior but they don't excuse it. I think this is what Ian means by boys will be boys. That may explain why they do certain things, but that does excuse their behavior or make it OK. This is a minor incident and I don't think Noah was grabbing the lamp because he's a boy or anything. I haven't really seen any gender differences between my kids yet, besides the obvious. It's just nice to know that Ian and I are on the same page with things!

Another good reminder this brings up is the house-proofing your child concept. It would be so much easier to move that lamp than to keep telling him not to touch it. But what would he learn if I moved the lamp? Absolutely nothing. It's not going to hurt him to touch it, it's just not something a 6 month old should touch. One thing I have going for me this time while I begin to house proof Noah (because he gets more mobile every day!) is that I've already seen the benefits of this with Mary. She's not "into everything", and I don't have to follow her around all the time and tell her to stop touching things or take things away from her. In fact, she asks for most things now that are not her toys to make sure she's allowed to touch them. That comes from house proofing. Now, all I need to do is be patient, consistent, and endure through the frustrating parts of training "do not touch". It takes months, but in the end it's worth it!

If you made it to the end of this post, well done! Thanks for humoring me as I spill my mind onto the blog.