Day 2

Well we survived the first two days of having baby j in our home! I feel accomplished just having survived. This is no time for thriving. It has been such an emotional roller coaster for me and so busy! He came yesterday around 10 and we spoke with his social worker for a while, then she left. Multiple people stopped by, some people brought food and others just wanted to meet him! Then today started with a doctor's appointment, came home to meet with his worker again, then our worker came to visit since we hadn't met him yet and he has to come within 7 days of a placement. Then I headed out to the store to buy J some clothes with the voucher they gave me. Thankfully it was to target so I got him some seriously cute clothes:) Since he is in the same size as Thomas, we need to increase our 2T stash!

Then I came home and it was already 4 o'clock. I try to remind myself that every parent has days (and sometimes weeks on end) where, at the end of the day, you just want to drop into bed and sleep for 10 hours and pray the next day is better. I really think it's just the change and busyness that has been the hardest for me. He really has been doing pretty well so far. Probably the only positive thing about him being left in his crib for hours on end before social services stepped in is that he sleeps pretty well so far! 

It took him longest to fall asleep tonight for bed. Before then it had only taken him 2-3 minutes to fall asleep but tonight he was just wailing. I went in a few times and held him until he stopped crying. Well he stopped crying immediately when I picked him up but I held him until he calmed down. Finally he got really close to sleep and when I laid him down that time he went to sleep easily. I cried a few tears as I held him. What has he been through? Will he go home and have to experience those things again? Will he become attached to us only to be ripped away again? He is innocent in all this and while I want his mom to get better, I never want him to have to experience being torn from those he knows as family again. 

I really appreciate everyone praying for us. Specific requests would be for us to now how to deal with his temper and screaming (which makes me want to rip my own ears off). And for peace and a long term vision in our hearts for baby j.

Our first call

We got a call today from children's services. There is a 13 month old boy (baby J) who needs a place to stay. He's been neglected and is for sure behind for his age, but beyond that no health issues. There's a little info about his mom, nothing about dad. Do we want him? Absolutely we do:)

Since I got that call I've been equal parts nervous and excited. I cried a little bit thinking about what this means and what a big change this will be...in less than 24 hours! Ian was so sure and confident when we talked to the worker, it made me feel confident! But later, when the kids are in bed and it's quiet and I have time to think the nervousness sets back in. We got the monitor in the mail for the baby's room today so I was trying to set it up (and getting really frustrated) and I was thinking about how I want to clean the room and put new sheets on the crib for baby J and get out some outfits and have everything just PERFECT! Well if you've been a mom for more than, oh I don't know 3 seconds, you know that things just don't always go perfectly.

So I took a break from the monitor to head outside and look at my plants. For some reason, even though my garden is not turning out great (more on that later) it is soothing. And I saw this beautiful sky and heard the crickets chirping and thought I should go to my spot with God and sit for a bit. So I came here to the front porch and looked out over the sky and saw what you see in the picture above and I'm reminded that God has baby J. What he needs most is someone to hug and cuddle him and tell him about the One who made him and loves him. I can do that! Especially the cuddles part. I hope he's a cuddler. I guess if not I always have Thomas!

Anyway, we will find out tomorrow morning if he is for sure coming and when. How long will he be with us? What's the plan? Will there be long term consequences of his neglect? I don't know! If the court decides he needs to come into care for sure he will be here tomorrow. God knows the plan and we will trust him. For now...I'm heading back to tackle that monitor!

Gymnastics class

Baby girl took a gymnastics class:) When she was two I used to get so nervous because she would hide behind me if anyone looked at her. Especially since I knew we would homeschool I got self conscious about that because I didn't want people to think she was strange. 

It was a real growing experience for myself not to put that pressure on her. I remind myself that no matter what others think we are doing what God wants our family to be doing and I love Mary for who she is. 

As it turns out that concern isn't even valid anymore because she is very brave and pretty friendly. I almost cried today (because having kids has turned me into a sap) when I brought her to gymnastics camp in a place she's never been before and she headed right out on to the floor when her group was called. She turned for a second and said, "where will you be?" It takes a lot of courage to walk into a new place where you don't know anyone and hop right in. But she did great and I'm so proud of her:)

Quotable: Mary edition

A quick stop at the grocery store-
Mary: Mommy, why are there SO many more things in the cart than we have on our list?
Me: ...busted

After Mary wrote a card to our sponsored child who lives in Africa -
Mary: Mommy how will it get to him?
Me: the mail man will take it
Mary: How? Do they use an airplane? (voice gets really low) or does the mail truck turn into an airplane? Can they do that??
Too much watching Little Einstein's!

Vacation

We got back from vacation about a week ago. We visited family in cocoa beach and Atlanta. Our relatives live in some pretty nice locations:)

Ian thought if we left at 4 AM the kids would go back to sleep. It worked 2/3s of the time:)

First day there these two were up at 6:30 and wanted to go see the manatees:) they adjusted at least a little and started waking up at 7 for most of vacation. So much excitement! 

They turned into little fishies by the end of our trip. We had so much and just relaxing and playing together as a family.

We kept my cousins kids one day and went to the park. My kids had a blast because the slides were SO HIGH at this park!

While we were there we also got the update that we are licensed to foster and could hear from them anytime! I will update here and on Facebook when we get a placement please pray for the baby that will be placed with us and pray God will prepare our hearts.

2 year pictures

 I just love this guy!

Waiting waiting

 We are still waiting for our home study to be complete. We thought we were buzzing through the process so fast. We had everything completed within two months of applying! But the wrench in the plan came when Ian's finger prints wouldn't go through electronically. It has been 2 months since he had the fingerprints done and we are STILL waiting for them to get back to the county. I'm ok with the waiting in one sense because I know fostering will be really hard, but it's never fun being in limbo.

This seems like initiation into fostering. Let's see if they can wait for ridiculously long amounts of time...then we'll know they're ready to accept a kid into their home without knowing much about them, keep him or her for an indefinite period of time, and anxiously wait to hear what the courts decide about their fate!

 I'm kidding. Mostly. We are trusting in God's perfect timing. Maybe there is a kid who needs a home tonight who is not supposed to be with us. Maybe we will get a call tomorrow saying we are licensed and oh by the way we have a baby who is ready to come to your house. Maybe we'll get the call about being licensed tomorrow but will wait another 2-3 months before we hear anything else. Who knows?

We will just keep waiting! This room will just keep waiting to remind a baby that he is loved, created ON PURPOSE for a purpose, and that his creator has a plan!