Quotable: baby edition

Me: Noah I think he really likes sitting with you.

Noah: he just likes my Olaf shirt

Noah (to thomas): see how Mary knows how to calm him (Andrew) down? Girls are good at that.

Mary: yeah that's why girls grow babies, they know how to grow babies and how to calm them down too!

The barer of rings!

We had SUCH a fun time at a wedding last weekend. Noah did a great job as the ring bearer and Ian officiated so it was a much anticipated event for our family. We did bribe Noah with a sucker and a new lego car for doing a good job walking slowly down the aisle with a smile on his face, because there is always room for a well timed bribe!

 

 

Sucker time...Smile of victory!

Thoughts that help me

When I'm sitting around thinking about the heartbreak and difficulties of Foster care, you know...trying to make myself feel better about the injustices of life, a couple thoughts help me:

First, if I didn't endure these things for and with J SOMEONE would have to. Someone has to love these kids. Someone has to take the hits for them, shelter them, teach them what it means to have someone really love them all at the greatest risk to self when you consider losing them. Our family is no more equipped to do this than most people but we chose to say yes. When we look at the gospel we see God looking at orphans and saying YES! I will choose you and I will make you my children even at great cost to myself. That is the good news. If you claim Jesus as lord there is no other answer when you look at an orphan besides yes! Now I'm not saying everyone needs to get up and adopt or foster a kid, but many more need to and many more need to at least do something for these kids. People think I'm kidding when I tell them J's mom is pregnant so a baby may need a home in a couple months, insinuating that home should be theirs. People just laugh it off mostly, but I'm not kidding. If not you then who?

Second, powerlessness can bring so much freedom. It reminds me of Jesus' words in Luke 12:

"And he said to his disciples, 'Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on...which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?'" 

We have no power over our life span. Only God has the power of life and death. But there is a freedom in our powerlessness. A freedom from worry. I am trying to apply that to foster care. I am powerless here. Why be anxious over something I have zero control over? Is my anxiety going to change the course of events? God is bigger than this system and he has J's life in the palm of his hands.

I hope those thoughts will help some other parent out there as well!

Court

Our first time being in court was last week. It was an incredibly odd experience for me. I knew that we were only invited there to sit in the back of the room and observe, but I had no idea what to expect beyond that. Only the lawyers talk. I think I was expecting at least for the caseworker to say something but she didn't. Only the county's attorney who the case worker met with about 5 minutes before court actually spoke for the worker.

My predominant feeling was frustration. I was frustrated that there were so many people talking about "the child" (yeah, the one who calls me mommy) who have never even met him. Frustrated that his life is in their hands and they barely know his name except they read it on a piece of paper minutes before making decisions. Frustrated that his mother lied many times and no one spoke the truth. Frustrated that I am helpless to help him! 

I left feeling deflated. I, like J, am powerless in this whole thing. We did learn that a family member of his mom has a homestudy in progress now and I have so many mixed feelings. I know it won't be a healthy place for him because I have learned a decent amount about this family member, but I also came into foster care knowing that the state always thinks it's best for kids to go to family members. So this isn't a shocker, it's just that I know how difficult this will be for J. In his mind we are his family. He was so young when he came to us that he won't even remember the people he may go to live with.  He may, once again, be ripped from the only family he knows and this time it is one that is stable and loving. I wonder what that will do to him long term. He is already so scarred from the first time it happened. I just wish that he and his siblings would be seen as the only victims here and the ones who need the protection. I wish everyone involved would REALLY want what is best and most healthy for him, but that is just not the case. 

As I laid awake last night this verse came to mind and it is what I will hold onto, please pray over it with me that the people involved in this case have come by divine appointment:

"Let every person be subject to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God, and those who exist have been instituted by God." Rom. 13:1-2

Winter blahs

Looky what I built this morning:)

It's been so long since we played trains but yesterday Ian took Noah to ikea for a daddy/son time and Noah picked a set that had that circle train turner thing. It's a welcome change of pace as winter is starting to  create some cabin fever in our house. Noah has been so excited about ikea since he found out that they sell cinnamon rolls and hot dogs so cheaply that we will actually buy them for him. And there is an indoor place to play.

In the upper left corner of the picture you can see J's little legs. The other kids built him a separate train track to play with so he doesn't break theirs. He actually sat and played for a bit! And that is about the extent of our excitement for now. Looking forward to getting outside soon to play! We also had court for J recently which I plan to share about, but I'm still processing all that I saw. No big advancements in his case...but court was for sure a new experience for us.