Quotable: fireside chats

Ian: guys this is the time of year we celebrate that Jesus came and was born. Why did Jesus come?

Noah: so he could die for us.

Ian: but did he stay dead?

Mary: NOPE!

Megan: why did he have to die?

Mary: because we were sinful.

Megan: are we still sinful?

Mary: Yes. But we don't have to die for it.

Amen. May more people know and believe these words this season.

Quotable

Me: Mary there is no way he's going to fit in your baby doll carrier.

Mary: just give it a try!!!!

One last zoo trip

We squeezed in one last zoo trip while it was warm!

Brought my own zoo baby:)

Aftermath

It's been almost three months since J left us. Overall I would say that it's been a good transition for him and for us. He is doing well there and we are definitely less stressed and enjoying some much needed family time. But there are definitely hard times where I get sad or miss him. Like when I was going through old photos on the iPad and came across this:

I don't know who took this picture from our monitor: sometimes the kids like to press the picture button or maybe Ian couldn't find me so searched for me on the monitor, either way I'm so grateful for this. It could have been any night. Sometimes he just struggled falling asleep or sometimes the day was so filled with tantrums that I wasn't really sure when bedtime hit or when I put him in there because he was flipping out. Anyway there would usually come a point where he would still be screaming at me but he would just be saying mommy over and over so I would go in and hold him. I remember this night because I was already in my pjs and robe and I was so tired of dealing with him that I was close to tears, but when he started saying mommy I just needed to hold him for a bit and maybe he just needed to fall asleep on me.

Or today when I opened up Mary's bag that she had packed for a car ride:

And there he is staring back at me. And I remember that the kids are probably still dealing with the transition too. We've been able to see him a couple times and I think that has been really good for the kids. I occasionally ask the kids how they are doing, if they miss him, if they want to foster again. They all say YES! And ask if we can get a baby tomorrow. So maybe it's just Ian and I that need a break:)

A friend of ours said her daughter was asking why josh had to go away and she told her daughter that it's because we loved him so much that he needed to go be with a different family that we knew would be better for him. I held it together while she was telling me this story but it was so meaningful. Everyone in our church has been so supportive of our whole journey with J including the transition away. We are so blessed. I'm not sure what we would do without the support around us!

Answered prayer

Lately Ian has been listening to A LOT of Dave Ramsey stuff. I'd heard of him before and knew some basic principles, but money has never been a struggle for us so I never thought to look into him. Well after a while Ian decided that we are doing well but we could be doing better! So we got in touch with a financial planner who, as it turns out, we really liked! We set up a few things with him and also looked into the future and made a goal of paying off our house in 5 years. Along with that came keeping much better track of our budgets so each month we sit down at the beginning of the month and look at events we might have and how much the will cost. Well we looked at October and remembered that we've always gone to Niederman Farm because that place is awesome and the kids still remember it from previous years so we want to have that tradition. But knowing our fun budget and putting that together with it costing at least $50 for us to go there we weren't sure what we wanted to do...

Lately I've been telling God that I want to honor this goal of paying off the house and if this is his plan it would be awesome if he could show up in it. Well the next day after chatting about our month I got an email from our agency saying that Warm Welcomes was holding an event at Niederman Farm and any foster home was invited to bring the whole family, have dinner and dessert, and get a free pumpkin! Yes please! This organization did a great job organizing the event and we had a lot of fun and God provided even more than we asked!

There was an entire farm full of activities and my kids pick the barn full of corn and trucks:

Pretty accurately depicts their personalities:

If you need a fun family tradition make it this! These pictures do not do justice to all the great things there are to do here!

6 months

Still the best. baby. ever.

He is such a happy little guy all the time. It makes getting up in the night a lot easier when he doesn't even cry and greets me with a smile when I pick him up! I pray that he is ALWAYS this happy and easy going:) And that his sister always likes him as much as she does right now...

Quotable

"I'm going to do school with Andrew on my lap because math is much more fun when you're holding a baby! But it might be a little wrong since he's pulling on it"

5 months

Somehow those thighs just keep getting bigger!

Please don't get any stronger! I can't have a crawler any time soon...

"Hey boys, hang out with Andrew for a minute while I put the dishes away..." Yes that is every toy that we have out for him right now! Thomas didn't want me to take a picture of him:)

T-bone steak turns 3!

I was looking through old posts and realized this one never published back in June! 

This is what I get when I ask him to smile!

Found this cake idea on Pinterest for my little man who loves trucks and dirt.

When we asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday he said go to the farm... I'm not quite sure what to do with that. So we asked if chuck e cheese would be ok. 

I think they had a pretty good time over all! Thomas is so fun. His voice sounds like a cartoon and his chatter is constant. He has asked to start learning with Mary and Noah! He is always on the move, always ready to tackle and loves to play with J who he calls his best buddy:) 

Mary turns 7!

We usually tell the kids they get to pick what we eat and do on their birthdays. This year Mary picked to have cinnamon rolls for breakfast, a friend over in the afternoon, Mac n cheese with olives and carrots for dinner, and to go play at jump and jacks after dinner. The "you get to pick" rule has generally been fine aside from some questionable meal choices. However on this particular day Mary was being a little rambunctious (can't imagine why?!? It's not like her responsible mother would let her eat 5 cinnamon rolls  for breakfast...) so I asked her to settle down some to which she replied, "I don't have to listen mom, it's my birthday! I can't get in trouble!" Mmmmmk.

Her awesome mom also didn't think about candles at all until I went to grab some to light and realized we didn't have any regular candles and no number 7.

She is always calling herself daddy's girl and makes lots of "I love daddy" cards.

Mr. Matt finally went down the slide and took Andrew with him. Andrew did NOT appreciate it!

We love these awesome kids! And we are especially thankful for that sweet girl in the middle there. She loves her baby brother Andrew and is always so helpful with him. She likes to read and color and be a leader (my mom says that's what my teachers always said about me instead of calling me bossy, so I'll carry on the tradition). Happy birthday to my princess!

Goodbye J

We took J to his new placement last week. It's hard to know where to begin in my thoughts about this so I'll just ramble through things. You've been warned!

People keep asking if we are really sad and they say how difficult this must be for us. Honestly over the past year I had become so accustomed to living under the weight of stress from having to be constantly vigilant over an angry toddler that my predominant feeling after dropping him off was relief. When there are four other young children in the house it is really a daunting task to have to provide constant supervision to one frequently unhappy little man. It was also hard to never feel like I could rest whenever we were out of the house. I could never carry on a conversation well in someone else's home because I had to know where he was and what he was doing at all times. I couldn't trust him.

So when we went over to a friend's for a cookout Saturday night and the older three kids took off to play and I handed Andrew to a friend, I got to sit and chat with another friend for a solid 20 minutes without my mind being elsewhere. When I realized that was happening I wanted to weep. It made me sad because I was rejoicing over being able to do something that I hadn't been able to do in so long, but it came at the expense of a little boy I love.

Basically I feel relieved still, and happy that I know he is with a great family who I really do believe will be able to meet his needs better than us. But I find myself in occasional pockets of sadness; like when I walked into his empty room for the first time and had to turn over his bed so Andrew can sleep there now, or when the kids ask to see him, or when we imitate how he said cookie monster. However, I also have little flashbacks of him that are not so fond; like when we went to the zoo yesterday and rode the train and a memory from a couple months ago came to mind of when he threw himself on the ground convulsing and screaming at the top of his lungs in front of a PACKED train full of people and I had to drag him to the stroller (while I had Andrew in the sling) and hold him down to strap him in as he swung at me... There's not much more humbling than that as a parent that's for sure!

I am so thankful for our time with him and I'm really not sure who changed more in the last 13 months: him or us? We do hope to foster again, but we're going to be taking a few months break at least. This is by far the hardest thing we've ever had to do so we are going to take time to recuperate and heal as a family. Please pray that J will adjust well in his new home! The next court date for his case is next week so you can pray that it will go well for him and lead toward permanency. Thanks friends!

Sweet Relief

I will let the pictures do the talking:

 

If only we could have stayed another week!