Aftermath

It's been almost three months since J left us. Overall I would say that it's been a good transition for him and for us. He is doing well there and we are definitely less stressed and enjoying some much needed family time. But there are definitely hard times where I get sad or miss him. Like when I was going through old photos on the iPad and came across this:

I don't know who took this picture from our monitor: sometimes the kids like to press the picture button or maybe Ian couldn't find me so searched for me on the monitor, either way I'm so grateful for this. It could have been any night. Sometimes he just struggled falling asleep or sometimes the day was so filled with tantrums that I wasn't really sure when bedtime hit or when I put him in there because he was flipping out. Anyway there would usually come a point where he would still be screaming at me but he would just be saying mommy over and over so I would go in and hold him. I remember this night because I was already in my pjs and robe and I was so tired of dealing with him that I was close to tears, but when he started saying mommy I just needed to hold him for a bit and maybe he just needed to fall asleep on me.

Or today when I opened up Mary's bag that she had packed for a car ride:

And there he is staring back at me. And I remember that the kids are probably still dealing with the transition too. We've been able to see him a couple times and I think that has been really good for the kids. I occasionally ask the kids how they are doing, if they miss him, if they want to foster again. They all say YES! And ask if we can get a baby tomorrow. So maybe it's just Ian and I that need a break:)

A friend of ours said her daughter was asking why josh had to go away and she told her daughter that it's because we loved him so much that he needed to go be with a different family that we knew would be better for him. I held it together while she was telling me this story but it was so meaningful. Everyone in our church has been so supportive of our whole journey with J including the transition away. We are so blessed. I'm not sure what we would do without the support around us!