So there are certain things most people never consider googling (that's a word now right?). Things like: how does incest effect a child, what is gross sexual imposition, what's the difference between aggravated murder and murder (still not sure, but pretty sure I don't want a kid in my house whose done either), and how likely is a child to get huntingtons disease if a parent had it (turns out it's pretty likely, oh and throw in "what is huntingtons disease?").
Ian and I sat down one night to fill out this child characteristic checklist which states what we will and won't consider for foster placements. This thing is 5 pages long and that picture is just a sample. We made it through page one before we needed a break. This is basically a list of all the horrors that have entered the world since the fall of man and we have to go through it and decide if we will care for a child who has been exposed to them. And I want to answer most of these questions the way most questions in foster care are answered: I DONT KNOW!
Anyway, I've tried to go through some by myself as I have more discretionary time than Ian but, as you can see in the picture, there are some things I just don't know how to answer. We are only accepting a placement for a baby, but I'm well aware that a baby could have been physically or sexually abused. A BABY! It's almost too sickening to think about. I know I will need to remind myself often of John 16:33
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
Jesus already overcame all these horrors and I don't need to be strong enough to overcome them or even carry them on my own. That doesn't necessarily help me answer the questions, but it does give me peace either way.
1 comment:
I saw your post linked to Melissa's FB. We're foster parents in Columbus and love it. We take only 0-3 and only mild known issues as we have our own young children and want this to be a good experience for them, too. Keep in mind that a baby who has been sexually abused will have a different experience of that than an older child who is aware of what was done. If they've simply been touched or used as a prop, they will have no memory or comprehension of it, so will likely have no ill effects and no one would know about it in order to tell you. If they've been injured, that goes in the line of physical abuse as well. However, most children who are sexually abused are not in stable, supportive environments, experiencing neglect. That would be more of a concern for me, to be honest.
We have only had 2 placements so far, both for relatively long periods of time. Both suffered neglect, but in different ways.
Our current placement is nearing 2 years old and she was sporadically neglected. Her parents engaged with her and loved her to bits when they were available. However, they were not always conscious and able to protect her, leading to some accidents that were avoidable. The impact on her was short term and did not affect her normal development of trust and attachment. You could very well end up with little ones like this in your home! And they might even stay forever. I'm thrilled to know of another family gearing up for foster care. It's an amazing journey. We love supporting the families as much as the kids themselves.
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