And these two are from today. They'll go in her scrapbook for her 17 month birthday:)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
17 months old today!
Baby girl is almost a year and a half old! She had a really fussy day today. Maybe she doesn't like getting older??? So daddy and I got Cancun take-out for dinner and let her play by herself while we ate! It was a great way to let us regain our patience:) Here are some pictures. The first is from the other night during her bedtime story. It was really blurry but I tried to make it look decent. I just really like it because I want to capture these moments when she is little and sitting on our laps for a bedtime story!
And these two are from today. They'll go in her scrapbook for her 17 month birthday:)
And these two are from today. They'll go in her scrapbook for her 17 month birthday:)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Directive Parenting
This is long. Don't read it if you're looking for updates on babies!
I was listening to mom's notes and she talked about how for children 2 and under a lot of our parenting comes by doing things for them. Toddlerwise calls this directive parenting. Here's an example of something that might happen throughout the day: I can say, "Mary, put down that cell phone!" Then I can wait and then repeat myself and then wait. Then get progressively louder with my instruction and wait for her to comply. Maybe I give up and just let her play with it. Maybe I get really frustrated and finally walk over and take it away from her. What is that teaching her? That she doesn't have to do things the first time I tell her. In fact she might not have to do it at all! Directive parenting would do this: say "Mary, put down that cell phone!" give her a minute to respond, then go over and do it for her and say, "Mommy said to put down the cell phone." I show her through my actions that I mean what I say.
This is a great tool in parenting because it alleviates a LOT of frustration. I know a lot of frustration throughout the day can come when she just doesn't listen to me. So I made it a rule (for myself) that I don't say things twice. I say it once, give her time to decide if she wants to comply, then do it for her. Directive parenting teaches that kids 2 and under don't have a ton of self control (anyone can tell that's the truth from being with a 1.5 year old for 5 minutes!)so we teach them how to have self control. More examples of directive parenting are: instead of saying, "Mary, it's bed time, would you like to go to bed?" I just go get her and say, "Mary it's time for night night," and put her to bed. Or I say, "Mary it's time to go bye bye, let's get your coat on" and I put it on for her and take her hand to go out the door.
Around the age of 2.5 - 3 (from my reading...obviously I have no experience parenting a 3 year old!) kids start to gain a much stronger sense of morality and the ability to comprehend things more deeply. In the book I'm currently reading (Parenting with Love and Logic) they give the wearing a coat example. The author says he told his 4 year old that he might want to wear a coat, but his 4 year old said that he'd be fine without one! At that age the dad said, "OK! Well let's go." The dad said within a couple minutes he heard chattering teeth coming from the backseat of the car, then his son said, "Next time I'm going to wear a coat!" The author points out that if he had made his child wear a coat even though he said he didn't want to he would have been warm, but would not have learned a valuable lesson about staying warm! And I also just thought about what if the dad had brought a coat for the boy to give him when he got cold. This would have taught the boy that he didn't need to deal with the consequences of his actions, that dad would bail him out.
I thought that was a good story on many levels! But mainly it points out that there is a time for mostly directive parenting and as they get older they need less and less. They can learn from reality at that point! But at this point (17 months) Mary doesn't learn well from reality. She just doesn't put things with many steps in order. She does know how to respond to certain things and knows cause and effect but it generally stops after one step. Like she knows when she throws her books from her high chair that she doesn't get them back. But she hasn't realized yet that she still has to sit in her high chair until mommy is done cleaning the kitchen and if she would have just kept the books with her she wouldn't be bored!!
I was listening to mom's notes and she talked about how for children 2 and under a lot of our parenting comes by doing things for them. Toddlerwise calls this directive parenting. Here's an example of something that might happen throughout the day: I can say, "Mary, put down that cell phone!" Then I can wait and then repeat myself and then wait. Then get progressively louder with my instruction and wait for her to comply. Maybe I give up and just let her play with it. Maybe I get really frustrated and finally walk over and take it away from her. What is that teaching her? That she doesn't have to do things the first time I tell her. In fact she might not have to do it at all! Directive parenting would do this: say "Mary, put down that cell phone!" give her a minute to respond, then go over and do it for her and say, "Mommy said to put down the cell phone." I show her through my actions that I mean what I say.
This is a great tool in parenting because it alleviates a LOT of frustration. I know a lot of frustration throughout the day can come when she just doesn't listen to me. So I made it a rule (for myself) that I don't say things twice. I say it once, give her time to decide if she wants to comply, then do it for her. Directive parenting teaches that kids 2 and under don't have a ton of self control (anyone can tell that's the truth from being with a 1.5 year old for 5 minutes!)so we teach them how to have self control. More examples of directive parenting are: instead of saying, "Mary, it's bed time, would you like to go to bed?" I just go get her and say, "Mary it's time for night night," and put her to bed. Or I say, "Mary it's time to go bye bye, let's get your coat on" and I put it on for her and take her hand to go out the door.
Around the age of 2.5 - 3 (from my reading...obviously I have no experience parenting a 3 year old!) kids start to gain a much stronger sense of morality and the ability to comprehend things more deeply. In the book I'm currently reading (Parenting with Love and Logic) they give the wearing a coat example. The author says he told his 4 year old that he might want to wear a coat, but his 4 year old said that he'd be fine without one! At that age the dad said, "OK! Well let's go." The dad said within a couple minutes he heard chattering teeth coming from the backseat of the car, then his son said, "Next time I'm going to wear a coat!" The author points out that if he had made his child wear a coat even though he said he didn't want to he would have been warm, but would not have learned a valuable lesson about staying warm! And I also just thought about what if the dad had brought a coat for the boy to give him when he got cold. This would have taught the boy that he didn't need to deal with the consequences of his actions, that dad would bail him out.
I thought that was a good story on many levels! But mainly it points out that there is a time for mostly directive parenting and as they get older they need less and less. They can learn from reality at that point! But at this point (17 months) Mary doesn't learn well from reality. She just doesn't put things with many steps in order. She does know how to respond to certain things and knows cause and effect but it generally stops after one step. Like she knows when she throws her books from her high chair that she doesn't get them back. But she hasn't realized yet that she still has to sit in her high chair until mommy is done cleaning the kitchen and if she would have just kept the books with her she wouldn't be bored!!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Babyproofing
One thing I always want to remember is something that Ian reminded me of the other day. Mary kept trying to play with the door handle at his parents house and he told her, "Mary, do not touch!" I told him not to worry about it, that she couldn't get it open anyways. And he reminded me that even though she can't get it open, she still needs to be taught not to open doors when she's this young unless mommy or daddy tell her it's OK.
I was so glad he pointed that out! It reminded me of a baby proofing principle that I read about in one of the -wise books. They said no matter what you baby proof your children still need to know what's off limits and what's OK to touch. Like cabinets. We don't let Mary touch cabinets and drawers except a couple that we've set apart just for her. At first we were very diligent about letting her know what was OK and what wasn't, now it just takes the occasional reminder. We've never put latches on anything because she doesn't go for them anymore. The nice thing about this is that she doesn't do it at other people's houses either. That way when others don't have latches we just don't even worry because she nearly never goes for cabinets.
This is also true of electric sockets. Even though we have the baby proofing plugs in them, we still taught her not to touch them. Some people don't have those plugs! I want to keep this principle in mind! It's so good:)
I was so glad he pointed that out! It reminded me of a baby proofing principle that I read about in one of the -wise books. They said no matter what you baby proof your children still need to know what's off limits and what's OK to touch. Like cabinets. We don't let Mary touch cabinets and drawers except a couple that we've set apart just for her. At first we were very diligent about letting her know what was OK and what wasn't, now it just takes the occasional reminder. We've never put latches on anything because she doesn't go for them anymore. The nice thing about this is that she doesn't do it at other people's houses either. That way when others don't have latches we just don't even worry because she nearly never goes for cabinets.
This is also true of electric sockets. Even though we have the baby proofing plugs in them, we still taught her not to touch them. Some people don't have those plugs! I want to keep this principle in mind! It's so good:)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Come to Mommy
I have nothing exciting to report. In fact, in this post I plan to tell you how our blog might get a little more boring. I just realized that I don't document how I do things very well. Like how did I start training Mary to understand, "Do not touch," and other similar things? I don't know!!! I want to keep track of that so I know what to do next time! And I also want to have a place where I review/summarize some of the books I've read so that I know which ones to reference when I need to! So basically I'm going to start doing that on here. You can ignore these posts if you want and just wait for the picture ones:)
So I'm just starting (in the past couple weeks) to work with Mary on first time obedience. I mean if she doesn't obey the first time I tell her something it's not really obeying right? That is the end goal anyway, we are just getting started though! So I was advised to start with eye contact and the simple command to come to mommy. I started doing this with things that are really easy so that she can learn what the phrase, "come to mommy" means. Like I'll say, "Mary (wait for eye contact) it's time to eat," then I squat down at her level and say, "Come to mommy." So it's anytime that I know she would want to come anyway. Especially at meal times this hasn't failed me yet!! We've also made a game out of it: Ian will sit on one side of the room and I'll sit on the other. Then we take turns saying, "Mary (wait for eye contact), come to mommy/daddy" And then when she does of course she gets lots of hugs/kisses. We really only did the game once or twice at first so that she could learn what the phrase meant.
Now when she doesn't come, at this stage (16 months) I will go get her and bring her to where I was and say "you need to come when mommy calls you". Or if she is close enough that I can grab her hand I will just pull her to me and repeat that she needs to come to me. The hardest part is saying her name and then remembering to wait for her to look!
The goal in this is for her to learn to come even when she doesn't want to. It's learning submission. So a small victory today: it was bedtime and we walked into her room and she went straight for the rocking horse as I sat down to change her. I said, "Mary (eye contact!!) it's time for night night, come to mommy." I could see the look in her eyes. It said: but-i-don't-WANT-to-go-night-night-i-want-to-play! She was considering mutiny and even started to whimper. Then just like that she smiled and ran to me! And the hallelujah chorus started playing in my head. Lots of encouragement for my little princess after that! It's only happened a couple of times so far that she actually came when I knew she wouldn't want to. We'll get there. Even if it means I'm chasing her around for the next few months when she runs the opposite direction from me. She's learned things before and she can learn this!
So I'm just starting (in the past couple weeks) to work with Mary on first time obedience. I mean if she doesn't obey the first time I tell her something it's not really obeying right? That is the end goal anyway, we are just getting started though! So I was advised to start with eye contact and the simple command to come to mommy. I started doing this with things that are really easy so that she can learn what the phrase, "come to mommy" means. Like I'll say, "Mary (wait for eye contact) it's time to eat," then I squat down at her level and say, "Come to mommy." So it's anytime that I know she would want to come anyway. Especially at meal times this hasn't failed me yet!! We've also made a game out of it: Ian will sit on one side of the room and I'll sit on the other. Then we take turns saying, "Mary (wait for eye contact), come to mommy/daddy" And then when she does of course she gets lots of hugs/kisses. We really only did the game once or twice at first so that she could learn what the phrase meant.
Now when she doesn't come, at this stage (16 months) I will go get her and bring her to where I was and say "you need to come when mommy calls you". Or if she is close enough that I can grab her hand I will just pull her to me and repeat that she needs to come to me. The hardest part is saying her name and then remembering to wait for her to look!
The goal in this is for her to learn to come even when she doesn't want to. It's learning submission. So a small victory today: it was bedtime and we walked into her room and she went straight for the rocking horse as I sat down to change her. I said, "Mary (eye contact!!) it's time for night night, come to mommy." I could see the look in her eyes. It said: but-i-don't-WANT-to-go-night-night-i-want-to-play! She was considering mutiny and even started to whimper. Then just like that she smiled and ran to me! And the hallelujah chorus started playing in my head. Lots of encouragement for my little princess after that! It's only happened a couple of times so far that she actually came when I knew she wouldn't want to. We'll get there. Even if it means I'm chasing her around for the next few months when she runs the opposite direction from me. She's learned things before and she can learn this!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
13 weeks Dr. Appointment
Our appointment went well today. All is good on the baby front:) I did have to get a shot because they got the H1N1 vaccine in...which I was not prepared for. I really hate shots. On the way home I told Ian how my mom used to buy me donuts after I had to get shots when I was little. Then we saw a bakery so Ian pulled over and got me some donuts. It was awesome!
The current struggle is whether or not to get the test that can tell you if your baby is at a higher risk of having down syndrome. The test has a high false positive rate, and it can't actually tell you if your kid has down's. You have to get another test to find that out for sure. And the second test is invasive and carries a significant risk of miscarriage. So even if the first test came back positive we wouldn't have the second test. But if the first test were negative that would be comforting...
I don't think we're going to get it though. There's always a chance that our baby could have down's even with the test coming back negative. Plus it's not like we would love him/her any less! It would be nice to be prepared if we new the baby DID have down's, but I don't think it's worth the risk just to know that ahead of time. So many decisions to make!
The current struggle is whether or not to get the test that can tell you if your baby is at a higher risk of having down syndrome. The test has a high false positive rate, and it can't actually tell you if your kid has down's. You have to get another test to find that out for sure. And the second test is invasive and carries a significant risk of miscarriage. So even if the first test came back positive we wouldn't have the second test. But if the first test were negative that would be comforting...
I don't think we're going to get it though. There's always a chance that our baby could have down's even with the test coming back negative. Plus it's not like we would love him/her any less! It would be nice to be prepared if we new the baby DID have down's, but I don't think it's worth the risk just to know that ahead of time. So many decisions to make!
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