I took a lot more pictures at thanksgiving, but the rest contain J!
We put our tree up this weekend too and the kids had so much fun putting ornaments on the tree. It may have given me a heart attack, but I tried to calm down enough to have fun while they were running with my glass ornaments:)
Have I shared that video on here before? I can't remember. I think I first saw it about a year ago and I still remember it clearly. It is very well made and you get to see life through the eyes of an abused child working her way through the foster system.
On that note, I thought I would write a little bit about "the system". Who knew this would be one of the most difficult parts of fostering (besides experienced foster parents I guess!)? I am part of an online support group for foster parents, which in general is extremely helpful, but I keep seeing people call it a "broken" system. Can children's services continue to improve? For sure. But I just have trouble calling the system broken. The thing that is broken is our world. Why do we even need a whole division of government to protect children?!? Because parents are broken and they mostly neglect and sometimes even harm their own children.
When you are taking something that is broken and trying to put it back together again it's a messy process. It's an extremely difficult process. It's not like when my kids break something. In that case I just need to find all the pieces and glue them back together. These are peoples lives that are shattering. How can I make J un-experience something? I can't. So I just have to take what I know and work with it and hopefully establish normality for him. I can say, "hey kid look, this is how a normal family is supposed to function. This is what it looks like to have boundaries. This is what it looks like to have a mommy who is always around and will always come and get you from your crib!"
And I'm not even sure I have the hardest job in this mess. Sometimes I wonder if judges do. How can you make the sort of decisions they have to make? Or social workers. In that video when the worker goes to take the baby from his sister and she screams for her baby brother...can you imagine what is going on inside a worker when they are in situations like that? When he removes every aspect of what a child considered normal for most of her life?
Clearly the ones most affected and influenced by everything is the children. And that is who we should be focusing on always. I've had multiple people tell me they couldn't foster because they just couldn't handle it emotionally. The problem there is the focus: yourself. Yes, it hurts to foster and yes (I'm sure) it hurts to see children leave, but the beauty of this whole thing is that it's not about me! God can heal a broken heart: mine, J's, his parents, etc. He can even heal this broken world:) So that is where I place my trust.
"Look up, the clouds are breaking, The storm will soon be o'er And thou shall reach the haven, Where sorrows are no more Look up, be not discouraged; Trust on, whate'er befall Remember, O remember, Thy Savior knows it all"
Yes, I'm proudly displaying my kids' parts already:) This is the first pregnancy where we have found out the gender and I have to say I like it! I enjoyed not knowing in the past, but it is also fun to know. Like a secret somehow! I also have a quotable for this post:
Ian: how do you know it's a boy?
Ultrasound tech: because of the penis
Me (to Ian): are you serious?
Ian: I mean how can you see that?
(Ultrasound tech pans back to the between the legs shot)
Ian: oh, DANG! He's huge!
Our little man looks incredibly healthy and we are SO thankful that God has provided in this way. I've been feeling him move around like crazy for a couple weeks now and I've never been more grateful for these little nudges. It's easy to grow tired of them near the end of pregnancy, but this time around I haven't had much time to sit around and think about this person growing inside me. We've been so wrapped up in the world of fostering and school and church and family things that it's nice to sit down during my hour of time to myself each day and wait for those little kicks to start and thank God for creating.
Once again it was COLD for Halloween. Somehow the kids don't seem to mind...it's like the thought of candy just erases anything else.
Love this pic of Thomas:) You can see J in his ninja costume in the background. I wish I could post a picture of him because he LOVED dressing up. He wore a huge smile all night and just wanted to get down and run with the big kids.
