Sweet Relief

I will let the pictures do the talking:

 

If only we could have stayed another week!

Help my unbelief

 

I am a pretty self-confident, organized and hard working person. It is easy for me to convince myself that I "have it all together"- whatever that means. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but just laying the ground work for what comes next. Each time we have gone through a big transition in life I've gotten to a place where I think I can handle the new normal. After having our first kid that took about a year. After having our third it took me about 6 weeks. Anyway, it's been a year since J came to live with us and I can't count how many times I have texted/emailed/etc. a friend, "mayday! The ship is sinking! We feel like we're drowning can you PLEASE take J for the day, a couple hours, anything?!" And it seems like it's gotten more frequent as time passes. Thankfully we have absolutely amazing family and friends who have made this whole placement last as long as it has.

 

What I'm getting at is this: I believe one of the reasons God brought J into my life is to reveal to me more deeply who I really am. I could have told you before that I was a sinner in need of God's grace, but now I KNOW it. Like I really know it. This year I've felt so lost at times. Why isn't he getting better? What could I have done differently? Am I horrible for not wanting to keep him? Help me Jesus! While it's not a place I love to be, I know it is a good thing for me. I can't depend on myself because my self is failing.

 

One verse Ian and I have repeated to each other over and over is Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I know that there are real forces of evil in the world, but they are forces- not people. J is not my problem. I believe it, really I do! But so often (especially when we've had to leave an event we've been looking forward to because J can't get it together, and I am SO frustrated with him) I find myself with the man in Mark 9:24 saying, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

 

Tonight was an especially hard night with J. I'm posting so late because the whole situation keeps me up some times. I grieve over his life. I wish better for him, but know that I can't provide it. I want this year with my biological kids back so that I can actually be the parent they need. I could go on, but I'll just say that in this moment I'm holding onto the words in the picture above. I know that Christ's grace is sufficient for me. I know that somehow, even though I can't see it or understand right now, Jesus' power is made perfect in my weakness.

 

Please pray for us as our time with J comes to an end. Thanks to the blogosphere for letting me share my heart!

Reds game

Well check another item off the bucket list! It started the way our other summer bucket list item did: screaming kids, tired parents, running late and us wondering if this is even worth it. Luckily it also ended the same way: with us deciding that YES it was worth it! Hopefully our kids will remember a fun night at the ball park with mom and dad and not the chaos it took to get to that point.

Noah had...oh about 4,382 questions about the game.

Mary was super excited about the game!

For about 3 seconds. Good thing we brought reinforcements.

At one point I asked Mary is she could read any of the signs she saw. Big mistake. She looked around, got excited and pointed to one, " yeah mom! That one says, 'this bud's for you!'" Awesome.

We survived! Sometimes making it somewhere is a huge challenge when you have to find sitters for younger kids, corral older kids, and pack or get things ready for both groups. I do think in the end I may remember the struggle but the kids will remember the fun.